Obsessed

A one word title that holds a plethora of meanings. (Side note: not too long ago, during a call at work, I told the caller there could be a "plethora" of reasons for the delay. His response: "You know, I haven't heard anyone use that word until I started calling you guys. Funny. It was a word made popular by some movie in the 80s and people use it without knowing what it means." Now mind you, I had access to this guys personal information and knew he was younger than me. I'm fairly, nah--absolutely, certain he meant to insult me.)

So, with the title I thought about going with:

Obsessed with the Truth. Obsessed with Exactness. Obsessed with Correction. Obsessed with Rightness. Obsessed with Fairness. Obsessed with Complete and Total Understanding of Everything under Creation and Beyond. (Now that's a wordy title.)

Perhaps the more accurate title would have been Obsession with Knowing Shit.

I find myself stuck in a mental loop of questions without answers. Well, questions without complete answers. Assumptions, ideas, theories, possibilities-yes. Complete answers-no. Might be with a story idea, spiritual elements, religion, science, friends, strangers. The possibilities hold endless range.

Endless range with limited movement. The question--the questions--Let me think for an answer--question rages with intense might--Answer NOW. ANSWER NOW. But I can't. The mind needs more time to think and consider. Consider and muse. Muse and...sing a song?

I fight distractions among the looping question.

I realized, however, that meditation and prayer helps (Except when I expect God and the Holy Ghost to answer me with the quickness of Google). Consciously realizing an immediate answer proves an impossibility. My brain isn't a search engine. Nor should I expect anyone else. I believe this is what Nicholas Carr describes in The Shallows. Constant internet searches for quick answers creates an unrealistic expectation.

Creativity. Enlightenment. These abstract ideas require more than simple seconds of mental effort. Shut off the TV and Xbox. Set down the phone and tablet. Let's talk, Brain. You and me. Do the dance. Sing some songs.