If I had been more self-aware of my emotional, spiritual, and mental state I might have seen it coming. What distracted me from the goal I set nearly two years ago?
Quite a many things.
Cards. TV. Games. Politics. Worry. Stress. The every day and the mundane have a tendency to get in the way of growth.
Distractions are more distracting these days.
I picked up a copy of The Road Back to You by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile. Purchased the study guide/work book too. The book focuses on the Enneagram, determining type, understanding the Ennegram and how it works, and how to best implement it. I have already done some study on it before, but I am such a fan of Cron and Stabile (Their podcast of the same title is amazing) I decided to dig deep into their new book.
After ten minutes of reading, realization thumped me in the head, reminding me that I had neglected my mental health. Not to mention spiritual and physical.
Explains why I nearly lost it on Saturday. A weepy mess of emotions over the insanity of the world. Frustratingly confused at the facts of life around me: Internet stars made famous by being assholes, the presidency, the environment, the state of the nation...ever wonder why some people just pop? The weight of continuing insanity and lack of any semblance of sense drives a man or woman to the brink of mental meltdown.
The reactor implodes and our mind...abstract colors and short firing neurons are all that remain in our cognitive home.
What a mess...what a mess. Who will clean up this god forsaken mess?
But the Holy Ghost--that inspiring Spirit from the Lord of Heaven--tends to bring me back the moment I sit in silence and allow Him, It, Her to bring me into a realm of that lacks time and matter. A moment of seconds that lasts an eternity.
Breathe. 1...2...3. And exhale.
The moment...that epiphany followed. In moments of high stress, I fall into obsession. My home becomes the only place I want to sit. Video games and TV bring comfort because they neither challenge or nor inspire. Just don't make me think. This is typical behavior of men and women who find themselves on the 5 side of the Enneagram.
I had also forgotten to love. Agape. Love that stretches beyond sense and emotion. Love that creates the world. Love that hopes when it appears pointless. Love that prays for men and women I despise.
To love. Leads to prayer. Leads to hope. Leads to the recognition that these people in power are still people. People with fears, worries, psychological disorders. These are people, who like many of us, do not even truly know him or herself.
Let our light shine before men.