Caught in the Middle

I am an observer. Most times I would rather sit back, cold-brew coffee in hand, and watch the events unfold. Participation doesn't seem worth the effort most times. I know this isn't the healthiest approach. And I have enjoyed many events. But watching the world's play is just so damn interesting. 

At times though, I find myself yearning to enter that world of participation. Problem is, most times people don't like to invite the guy who silently sits and watches as everyone else converses. I mean, I try to converse, but when I feel awkward, oh boy do I talk about some weird shit. Then I notice that look in their eyes and desire to walk away. Sometimes I just walk away when I am done talking. It is usually better that way. 

I feel like I am missing something though. Some internal mechanism that ignites a willingness for people to notice you. To come and socialize with you. Seems like a lot of wasted energy to me. But it would be nice to learn it. It would also be great if I could sound like I am not insulting you when I say this. 

And yet, here I am, with this website, pushing myself to be noticed to some extent. Why? Mainly so I can get enough word of mouth for my novels and short stories. Typically, when someone attempts to self-publish and promote their own work, they have a personality to make it work. Honestly, if I could just write and enjoy the fruits of those labors without having to talk with anyone about the book. I mean, I will talk with you about what you liked and didn't like about it. Just don't ask me what the book is about if you haven't read it. I don't know how to vocalize the shapes and images in my head. 

you guys are weird.